


Blocked and reported

by TheLittelestCrow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Texting, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24114373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittelestCrow/pseuds/TheLittelestCrow
Summary: A chatfic in which Hinata has questions. Not smart questions but rather the little things like “if I punch myself in the face does that make me too weak or too strong”, and unfortunately for the Karasuno boys they have to answer each and every one of them.Alternative title: who gave Hinata my number and why?
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 72
Kudos: 266





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes the title is a reference to: https://youtu.be/ukXkAz7MBdk
> 
> This isn’t a finished work I just forgot how to change what my fic is out of, apologies in advance!

[20:00]

**Hinata** created “I have questions”  
 **Hinata** added **Kageyama, Tsukkishima,** **Yamaguchi, Sugawara, Asashi, Enoshita, Daichi, Tanaka, Nishinoy** a

**Hinata:** On my last test I got 1%  
 **Hinata:** which means that I failed

**Tsukishima:** No shit

**Hinata:** So I created this group chat to ask questions

**Tsukishima:** Right.. right  
 **Tsukishima:** So What businesses do: Kageyama, Nishinoya and Tanaka have answering questions?

**Nishinoya:** Low blow  
 **Nishinoya** : I didn’t get 40% in my last test to be targeted like this.

**Nishinoya:** Respect? Tsukki doesn’t know her

**Tsukishima:** Don’t call me that.

**Tanaka:** Piss off!  
 **Tanaka:** I’ve been at school longer than you, way longer  
 **Tanaka:** I can totally answer questions  
 **Tanaka:** who do you think you are? Instine?

**Tsukishima:** Go on, spell his name more incorrectly. I wouldn’t mind hearing about an Albert Intestine.

**Nishinoya:** Whose Albert Intestine lol?

**Tsukishima:** Nishinoya Im not answering that.  
 **Tsukishima:** If you can answer everything then I’ll give you an easy question  
 **Tsukishima:** what is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?

**Tanaka:** ovbiously  
 **Tanaka:** A man that’s had his balls kicked!

**Nishinoya:** Nice, Ryu!

**Tsukishima:** oh my god

**Tanaka:** pfft  
 **Tanaka:** Don’t worry, your senior knows the REAL answer  
 **Tanaka:** it’s Mariah Carey

**Nishinoya:** Actually.. isn’t it Arianna Grande now?

**Tanaka:** Yea but test answers can be a little dated, you get me?

**Nishinoya:** oh, totally!  
 **Nishinoya:** When did you get so wise?  
 **Nishinoya:** Dont answer that, you’ve always been this way

**Tanaka:** Bro

**Nishinoya:** Bro

**Yamaguchi:** It really hertz to read these answers

**Hinata:** *Hurts

**Yamaguchi:** ...  
 **Yamaguchi:** Shoyo it wasn’t a typo

**Hinata:** it’s ok, my spellings pretty bad too  
 **Hinata:** But can i ask my question now?

**Daichi:** no, I have one.  
 **Daichi:** why do I have so many notifications?

**Asahi:** Actually I was going to ask that but I didn’t want to come off as rude

**Nishinoya:** Asashi I don’t think you know HOW to be rude

**Asahi:** No, you’ve taught me pretty well

**Nishinoya:** ouch

**Nishinoya** has left the chat  
 **Asashi** has added **Nishinoya**

**Asahi:** Im sorry i didn’t mean it

**Daichi:** insulting people isn’t getting my question answered.

**Tanaka:** Hinata has questions

**Daichi:** That answers who but not what or why

**Nishinoya:** Thats deep  
 **Nishinoya:** You sound like a philosopher

**Daichi:** I really don’t though

**Hinata:** Yea, can i ask them now?

**Tsukishima:** No

**Hinata:** Haha did someone hear something?  
 **Hinata:** well anyway is anyone willing to answer my question?

**Sugawara:**  
........😉  
....👂👂👂  
...👂 👂 👂  
..👇👂👂👇  
......👂 👂  
.....👂...👂  
.....👞 ...👞

**Tsukishima:** What the fuck

**Hinata:** Suga.. what is that?

**Sugawara:** Im all ears!!

**Hinata:** _insert visible confusion_

**Nishinoya:** someone take the phone away from this man  
 **Nishinoya:** Im crying  
 **Nishinoya:** if you need me I’ll be in the bathroom

**Tsukishima:** Youll be there for a while since you’re full of shit

**Yamaguchi:** @ **Nishinoya** feelsbadman.jpeg

**Daichi:** Suga is trying his hardest  
 **Daichi:** stop insulting him  
 **Daichi:** Actually, stop insulting eachother.

**Hinata:** all I wanted to do was ask a question  
 **Hinata:** Kageyama has the same one too but he’s asleep right now

**Tanaka:** It’s eight in the afternoon  
 **Tanaka:** what a baby

**Nishinoya:** He needs his beauty sleep

**Daichi:** Noya get off your phone while in the bathroom

**Nishinoya:** how did you know?

**Daichi:** That’s disgusting.  
 **Daichi:** Hinata just ask your question

**Hinata:** It’a a knock knock joke  
 **Hinata:** Knock Knock

**Tsukishima:** please tell me I’m not suffering over a knock knock joke

**Hinata:** shhhhh

**Daichi:** whose there.

**Hinata:** Maya hee

**Daichi:** Maya Who?

**Hinata:** Maya haha

**Daichi:** .  
 **Daichi:** never one did I ask to be a part of that

**Hinata:** I know but Yoora told me to do it

**Daichi:** And who might Yoora be?

**Nishinoya:** Daichi no-

**Hinata** : Yoora dopted

**Daichi:** Yoora Dopted?  
 **Daichi:** oh

**Daichi** has left the chat

**Hinata:** should we leave him?

**Sugawara:** let him mourn

**Hinata:** That wasn’t even my original question lol

**Tsukishima** : I doubt you’ll ever get to your original question

———————————————————

[06:00]  
I have questions  
 **Kageyama** added **Daichi** to the chat

**Kageyama:** What is WRONG with you all?

**Hinata:** Everything Lol  
 **Hinata:** Anyway since it’s just us can you help me with maths?

**Kageyama:** No  
 **Kageyama:** And you know I can’t

**Hinata:** Come on it’s super easy  
 **Hinata:** You can even google it

**Kageyama:** ... okay

**Hinata:** 9x - 7i > 3 (3x -7u)

**Kageyama:** Okay..  
 **Kageyama:** 9x - 7i > 9x - 21u  
 **Kageyama:** -7i > 21u  
 **Kageyama:** 7i < 21u  
 **Kageyama:** And then this maths app tells me that the answer should be  
 **Kageyama:** I < 3 u

**Hinata:** Lol

**Kageyama:** please give back my effort

———————————————————-

[08:00]  
I have questions

**Hinata:** We should totally have group contact names  
 **Hinata:** We are characters in a chatfic after all

**Kageyama:** Hinata put it back

**Hinata:** Put what back?

**Kageyama:** The fourth wall, you broke it

**Hinata:** Oops my bad  
 **Hinata:** forget I said anything haha  
 **Hinata:** we should make our names nothing like our real names. Caus like.. imagine if a hacker stole Kageyamas phone, they’d know our names immediately

**Kageyama:** why MY phone?

**Nishinoya:** Surrender no valuable information, do you hear me?

**Nishinoya** changed to **Rolling thunder**

**Hinata:** Yes sir!

**Hinata** changed his name to **Shoyo**

**Tsukishima** : Hinata, are you a moron?

**Kageyama:** I’ve got this

**Kageyama** changed Hinata to **Moron**  
 **Kageyama** changed to **Genius setter**

**Moron:** way to toot your own horn!

**Moron** changed his name to **Genius** **spiker**

**Genius** **setter:** Right back at you!

**Tsukishima:** Great.  
 **Tsukishima:** Now I have to hide my phone whenever I get notifications

**Yamaguchi** changed his name to **the frenchest fry**

**Tsukishima** : ... Yamaguchi why

**The frenchest fry:** I like fries.

**The frenchest fry** changed **Tsukishima** to **Strawberry shortcake**

**The frenchest fry:** our favourite foods!

**Strawberry shortcake:**  
 **Strawberry shortcake:** I’ll change it myself.

**Strawberry shortcake** changed to **SS**  
 **Strawberry shortcake** changed to **SOS**

**Genius spiker:** Tsukki dosent have a soul and we all know it  
 **Genius spiker:** there’s nothing to save

**The frenchest fry:** Don’t say that!

**SOS:** No, it’s pretty accurate

**Genius spik** e changed  
 **Daichi** to **Father crow**  
 **Sugawara** to **Mother crow**

**Mother crow:** why am I the mother?

**Genius spiker:** well Daichi dosent really look like mum material, you get me?

**Tanka:** just shove a wig on him, that’ll fix him up

**Genius spiker:** we already did

**Father crow:** Hinata I would like to have a little chat with you :)

**Rolling thunder** : F

**Tanaka:** F

**Genius setter:** G

**Rolling thunder:** You had no respects to pay, eh?

**Genius setter:** No I thought  
 **Genius setter:** we weren’t doing the alphabet?

**Tanaka** changed to **Hot bald guy**

**Hot bald guy:** No

**Rolling thunder** changed **Asahi** to **Jesus**

**Rolling thunder:** thought we were missing something

———————————————————

[A key in case you need it]

Kageyama = **Genius setter**  
Hinata = **Genius spiker**  
Sugawara = **Mother crow**  
Daichi = **Father crow**  
Nishinoya = **Rolling thunder**  
Tanaka = **Hot bald guy**  
Yamaguchi = **The frenchest fry**  
Tsukkishima = **SOS**  
Asahi = **Jesus**  
(Will probably change his)


	2. .. Who peels their chicken nuggets?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot_bald_guy: What a tradgedgedgedgedy
> 
> SOS: The real tradgedy is your spelling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added underscores to their usernames to make life just a little easier.

[16:00]  
I have questions

 **Rolling_thunder** sent an Audio file

 **Hot_bald_guy:** Noya buddy  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** You’re sobbing so hard that I can’t understand what you’re saying

 **SOS:** Oh  
 **SOS:** I was under the impression that he was mumble rapping

 **Hot_bald_guy:** What kind of loser cries while mumble rapping?

 **SOS:** Nishinoya, apparently

 **Hot_bald_guy:**  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** Listen here you little shit-

 **Father_crow:** Enough.  
 **Father_crow:** Nishinoya do you need someone to come help you?

 **Hot_bald_guy:** Dont you mean

 **Father_crow:** No.

 **Hot_bald_guy:** Do you need someone to come help Yu?

 **Father_crow:** Stop it.

 **The_frenchest_fry:** (Get some help)

 **Mother_crow:** Whats wrong?  
 **Mother_crow:** Did you not have enough money for chicken nuggets??

 **Hot_bald_guy:** Way to call him broke,Suga  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** and that’s not it. Last time we didn’t have money we just stole from children

 **Father_crow:** you what

 **Hot_bald_guy:** haha, jokes

 **Rolling_thunder:** It wasn’t stealing we just asked if we could hold their money.  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Anyway, Ryu Im actually not okay

 **Hot _bald_guy:** Why, who do I need to mess with?  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** They performed surgery on a grape and they’ll do the same to whoever made my best buddy cry after I’m done with them

 **SOS:** You don’t have to be so stressed

 **Rolling_thunder:** Okay but consider this  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I am

 **Genius_Spiker:** Dont do that  
 **Genius_spiker:** Dont beat me up  
 **Genius_spiker:** I mean anyone. Don’t beat anyone up.  
 **Genius_spiker:** Did i tell you guys that I’m a pacifist?

 **SOS:** You punch Kageyama for breathing

 **The_frenchest_fry:** ???  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** Hinata, what did you do???

 **Genius_spiker:** I can’t believe you’d think that I was the one behind all of this  
 **Genius_spiker:** I thought you were bae but  
 **Genius_spiker:** You really are just fam

 **SOS:** Hinata I think you got lost on your way to the circus

 **Genius_spiker:** AND I DIDNT DO ANYTHING YET  
 **Genius_spiker:** Tsukki that kinda hurts man

 **SOS:** That was my intention.

 **Genius_spiker:** Well you know what TSUKISHIMA  
 **Genius_spiker:** I didn’t come here to be insulted

 **SOS:** Oh? And where do you usually go?

 **Rolling_thunder: @The_frenchest_fry** He mcfucking peeled his chicken nuggets

**Genius_setter:**

**SOS:**

**The_frenchest_fry:**

**Father_crow:**

**Mother_crow:**

**Hot_bald_guy:** Everyday we stray further from God

 **The_frenchest_fry:** I’ll say it louder for the people in the back  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** Nuggets were not made to be peeled

 **Genius_setter:** I bet you order grapes on your pizza, don’t you?

 **Genius_spiker:** That’s way too far  
 **Genius_spikes:** I would’ve defended pineapples on pizza till the very end  
 **Genius_spikes:** But grapes???

 **Genius_setter:** You peel nuggets  
 **Genius_setter:** I don’t need your opinions on food

 **Rolling_thunder:** Hes a hazard to society  
 **Rolling_thunder:** He peeled all twenty of them  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I went to the bathroom and I couldn’t save them in time

 **Hot_bald_guy:** Noya don’t beat yourself up..  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** you couldn’t have known

 **Rolling_thunder:** _Sobs_  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Hinata.. buddy.. why’d you do it?

 **Genius_spiker:** Because I can do whatever I want !!!  
 **Genius_spiker:** And because I’m..

＼( •_•) ᶠ  
< ⌒ヽ ᴬ  
/ へ＼ ᴮ  
/ / ＼＼ ᵁ  
ﾚ ノ ヽ_つ ᴸ  
/ / ᴼ  
/ /| ᵁ  
( (ヽ ˢ  
| |、＼  
| 丿 ＼ ⌒)  
| | ) /  
`ノ ) ᴸﾉ

 **Hot_bald_guy:** Wtf

 **SOS:** A “cool” emoticon isn’t going to save you from this one, Hinata

 **Genius_spiker:** But I spent so much time typing it out for you guys  
 **Genius_spiker:** can’t you like.. pretend to be impressed??

 **SOS:** Im not nor do I ever plan to be an actor

 **Genius_setter:** “So much time”, huh?  
 **Genius_setter:** Hinata you copy and pasted that thing from website

————————————————————-  
[16:40]  
 **Kageyama** private messages

 **Hinata:** Is this what betrayal feels like?

_Read 16:41_

—————————————————————

[18:00]  
I have questions

 **The_frenchest_fry:** Whats the weirdest thing that you guys believed as kids?

 **Genius_spiker:** I used to believe that my uncle had a zipper instead of a butthole

 **Rolling_thunder:** ಠ_ಠ

 **The_frenchest_fry:** So moving on from the fact that Hinatas never getting a girlfriend

 **Genius_spiker:** Don’t you even wanna hear the story behind it??

 **Hot_bald_guy:** It’s a no from me

 **The_frenchest_fry:** When I was younger I thought that the moon wanted to be my friend.  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** I thought it was stalking me because it followed me everywhere  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** And I used to get really upset because sometimes if followed me, even in the day  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** TL;DR I got really scared and called the police on the moon  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** thank you for coming to my TED talk

 **SOS:** I can’t even imagine the phone operators reaction to that

 **The_frenchest_fry:** Yea. But it doesn’t matter because then the REAL moon became my best friend (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

 **SOS:**  
 **SOS:** Yamaguchi I have a reputation

 **Genius_spiker:** The phone operator..

 **Genius_setter:** Hinata no

 **Genius_spiker:** Did he call you a LUNAtic?

 **The_frenchest _fry:** ಠ_ಠ

 **The_frenchest_fry** has left the chat 

**Enoshita** changed to **No_shit**

 **Rolling_thunder:** Well well well  
 **Rolling_thunder:** look who came back from the store after buying milk and/or cigarettes

—————————————————————

[20:00]  
I have questions  
 **SOS** added **Yamaguchi**

 **Yamaguchi** changed to **The_frenchest_fry**

 **Genius_spiker:** So whats the difference between poisonous and venemous?

 **SOS:** If you bite it and you die it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die its venemous  
 **SOS:** Hinata this is elementary level knowledge

 **Genius_spiker:** “HinAta tHis iS ElemEntary lEvel kNowlEdge”

 **SOS:** _sigh_

 **Rolling_thunder:** What if it bites itself and I die?

 **SOS:** Thats voodoo

 **Hot_bald_guy:** What if it bites me and someone else dies

 **SOS:** That would be neither.

 **Genius_spiker:** What if we bite eachother and no one dies?

 **Hot_bald_guy:** That’s kinky

 **Father_crow:** check the chat, they said  
 **Father_crow:** it will be worthwhile, they said

—————————————————————  
[21:00]  
I have questesions

 **Hot_bald_guy** changed “I have questions” to “Tanaka private messages”

 **SOS:** Im begging you to stop and think before you press that send button

 **Hot_bald_guy:** shut up and let me work my upperclassman magic

 **Hot_bald_guy: @Rolling_thunder**  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** Oi Noya, what was the last thing you searched up?

 **Rolling_thunder:** Sexy radish pillows, why?  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Hold on this isn’t private messages

 **Genius_spiker:** E X P O S E D

 **Hot_bald_guy:** (•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

 **Rolling_thunder:** You, my best bro, betrayed me  
 **Rolling_thunder:** From the bottom of my heart  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Fuck you

 **Hot_bald_guy:** What a tradgedgedgedgedy

 **SOS:** The real tradgedy is your spelling

 **Rolling_thunder** left the chat

 **No_shit:** I’m an honour student, I would never read or send these kind of texts  
 **No_shit:** What am I doing here?  
 **No_shit:** Who did I hurt?

 **The_frenchest_fry:** (insert sad violin music)

 **Genius_Spiker** changed “Tanaka private messages” to “I have questions”

———————————————————-

[21:30]  
I have questions  
 **Genius_spiker** added **Nishinoya**  
 **Nishinoya** changed to a **rolling_thunder**

 **SOS:** Someone has a delicate ego

 **Rolling_thunder:** MY EGO IS NOT DELICATE

 **Genius_spiker:** Yea?  
 **Genius_spiker:** And Yamaguchi’s hair isn’t green

 **Rolling_thunder:** Wait hold on  
 **Rolling_thunder:** What the fuck

 **The_frenchest_fry:** Im feeling a little exposed right now

 **SOS:** It’s his natural hair colour.

 **Rolling_thunder:** HOW DO YOU HAVE NATURALLY GREEN HAIR?

 **Genius_spiker:** ASK MIDORIYA

 **Rolling_thunder:** WHOSE MIDORIYA?

 **Genius_setter:** HINATA YOU CANT KEEP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL LIKE THIS

 **SOS:** Oh my god

 **Rolling_thunder:** ARE YOU JUST GONNA IGNORE MY QUESTION?  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I thought that this chat was what it was all about  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Answering shit

 **SOS:** I answer you therefor I answer shit

 **Mother_crow:** come on guys.. there’s no need to fight

 **Hot_bald_guy:** *Fite

 **SOS:** Why would you correct an already correct spelling?

 **Father_crow:**  
 **Father_crow:** People like you guys are the reason why I swear.

—————————————————-

[23:00]  
I have questions

 **Mother_crow:** I have a new notebook and I have no idea what to fill it with. Does anyone have any suggestions?

 **Rolling_thunder:** Put spaghetti in it

 **Mother_crow:** I’m currently taking suggestions from everyone but you

 **Genius_spiker:** Put spaghetti in it

 **Mother_crow:** I’m currently taking suggestions from everyone but the two of you

 **Hot_bald_guy:** Put spaghetti in it

 **Mother_crow:** Im no longer taking suggestions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly deleted this fic and I’ve never pressed cancel so fast. 
> 
> I’m really surprised by how fast blew up, so thanks a ton to anyone that took the time out of their day and read this.
> 
> Also just as a side side note. Sexy radish pillows do exist and I have NOT stopped bothering my friends with their terrible name.


	3. Cartoon logic is a big strange.. isn’t it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genius_spiker: Is cereal a soup?
> 
> Rolling_thunder: No  
> Rolling_thunder: Well yes  
> Rolling_thunder: Wait what the fuck

[13:00]  
I have questions

**Rolling_thunder:** I can’t express how much I hate fucking bees

**Hot_bald_guy:** Then bro..  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** Stop fucking them

**Rolling_thunder:** YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

**The_frenchest_fry:** Not after the bee movie we don’t

**Genius_spiker:** The bee movie!  
 **Genius_spiker:** I always found it weird how they managed to sue the entire human race,,, but I guess that’s just kids movie logic

**The_frenchest_fry:** The bee movie was whack  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** But don’t let Barry suing the entire human race distract you from the fact that Mr krabs listens to music with his EYES

**Hot_bald_guy:** or the fact that he gave birth to a whale

**Rolling_thunder:** You can’t sit here and tell me that Pearl isn’t adopted  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I don’t buy it

**Genius_spiker:** BUT  
 **Genius_spiker:** dont let mr krabs listening to music with his ears distract you from the fact that this one guy in Lilo and Stitch never wears a shirt but always has a tan line

**Rolling_thunder:** Oh my god  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I can’t concentrate in class, I think it’s because I’m just hungry

**Hot_bald_guy:** Yuu it’s just because we’re bad students

**Rolling_thunder:** You don’t understand  
 **Rolling_thunder:** My stomach growled really loudly in English

**Hot_bald_guy:** what did it say?  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** Feed me, grassyass?

**Rolling_thunder:** Ryu that’s french

**Hot_bald_guy:** It’s _le same_ thing

**Father_crow:** .. I hope that you don’t mean gracias which is SPANISH  
 **Father_crow:** Nevermind that.  
 **Father_crow:** Get off your phones and pay attention before I ground you

**Rolling_thunder:** Sorry dad  
 **Rolling_thunder:** dy

**Father_crow:** I’m not your dad.

———————————————————  
[16:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Is cereal a soup?

**Rolling_thunder:** No  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Well yes  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Wait what the fuck

**The_frenchest_fry:** o_O

**SOS:** Soup is primarily a liquid food that is made by containing ingredients and liquid.  
 **SOS:** Milk is a liquid.  
 **SOS:** Any arguements against that?

**Genius_spiker:** Yea  
 **Genius_spiker:** If cereal is a soup then why does that fact make me sad?

**SOS:** Do I look like a therapist?

**The_frenchest_fry:** Yea  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** i blame the glasses

**SOS:**  
 **SOS:** What

———————————————————  
[18:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Do you guys ever cook for your family?

**Rolling_thunder:** Well last time I did that it was a huge missed steak  
 **Rolling_thunder:** *Mistake

**The_frenchest_fry:** You’d butter back off with the puns

**Genius_spiker:** Please i just asked a simple qu-

**Rolling_thunder:** Why.. don’t you wanna taco bout it?

**Hot_bald_guy:** I thought you were a Fun-gi? Lettuce at the food puns

**The_frenchest_fry:** Please I just want peas

**SOS:** You guys are the wurst

**Mother_crow:** You guys are on a roll

**Genius_spiker:** Weirdoughs  
 **Genius_spiker:** Wait Kageyamas been typing this whole time?

**Genius_setter:** The first and last time I tried to make pork curry I got chill burns all over my face so because milk tends to soothe spicy things I was looking all around my house for a jug to pour onto my face. I shoved my face in a bowl of milk to stop the pain but the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which cut off all our electricity  
 **Genius_setter:** But I didn’t know that that at the time because I was drowning in milk. So when I opened my eyes I thought that I had gone blind and it really messed me up  
 **Genius_setter:** So no, I don’t really cook much

**Jesus:** Kageyama are you.. are you okay?

**SOS:** Sounds like the tragic background of some minor villain in a kids show

**The_frenchest_fry:** I dub thee  
 **The_frenchest_fry;m:** Milk man

**Genius_spiker:** I could only imagine the  
 **Genius_spiker:** UDDER TERROR

**Genius_setter** left the chat  
 **Genius_spiker** added Kageyama

————————————————  
[19:00]  
I have questions

**Kageyama** changed to **Genius_setter**  
 **The_frenchest_fry** added **unknown**

**Genius_spiker:** Huh? An unknown number?  
 **Genius_spiker:** Oh my god it’s a hacker

**Rolling_thunder:** If you find my camera roll I’d like to apologise in advance

**Hot_bald_guy:** me too

**Rolling_thunder:** Maybe it would spare you to not hack my phone  
 **Rolling_thunder:** If you do hack my phone I’m suing for emotional damage

**SOS:** Are we just ignoring the fact that Yamaguchi added the unknown number?

**Genius_spiker:** A TRAITOR

**SOS:** no.

**Unknown:** please don’t hurt me  
 **Unknown:** I was told that lady Kiyoko was here

**Hot_bald_guy:** We wish

**Genius_spiker:** HOW DO THEY KNOW KIYOKO  
 **Genius_spiker:** WHAT DO YOU WANt from  
US?  
 **Genius_spiker:** I WONT GIVE MY NAME  
 **Genius_spiker:** I WONT FALL TO YOUR DIRTY MIND TRICKS

**Unknown** : (∩╹□╹∩)  
 **Unknown:** I come in peace,, please stop yelling,, Im sorry

**Genius_setter:** what is happening?

**Genius_spiker:** A SPY HAS ENTERED OUR CHATROOM  
 **Genius_spiker:** KAGEYAMA DONT LET THEM GET OUR NAMES

**Genius_setter:**

**Unknown** : Oh, hello Kageyama!!

**Genius_setter:** Nice one Hinata

**Genius_spiker:**

**Unknown** changed to **Yachi**

**The_frenchest_fry:** can you guys just calm down for just one day?

**Genius_spiker:** YACHI  
 **Genius_spiker:** why didn’t you say from the beginning??

**Yachi:** sorry  
 **Yachi:** Im not good with texts

**Genius_spiker:** Dont worry, you’ll be better than Kageyama no matter how bad

**Genius_setter:**

**Mother_Crow:** Yachi, id like to apologise for everything that has and will go on in this chat because you don’t deserve any of this 

———————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I’m slowly starting to wean the characters in so if you have anyone that you desperately wanna see them I’m open for suggestions.
> 
> I also probably need to get Yachi a username and honestly i might go for “Kiyoko fangirl no.1” or something along those lines


	4. A tired mother and his crows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rolling_thunder: Suga? More like Ooga Booga
> 
> Mother_Crow: I legitimately don’t know what to do with this statement

[16:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** I wrote a poem for you guys in case you find out anything bad and decide that you don’t love me anymore

**SOS:** Well okay then

**Genius_spiker:** Some legends are told,  
Some turn to glazed donut holes,  
But you will remember me,  
For centipedes,

**The_frenchest_fry:** (￣ー￣；

**Yachi:** Hinata that was  
 **Yachi:** ... wonderful

**Genius_spiker:** It wasn’t

**Yachi** : sorry

**Father_crow:** I know why you sent that Hinata but a terrible rendition of “centuries” won’t cut it  
 **Father_crow:** You’re still in trouble.

**Genius_spiker:** Now hold on.. hear me out

**Father_crow:** I’m listening.

**Genius_spiker:** I know you and mum are angry.. but  
 **Genius_spiker:** Why allow yourself to be full of hate when you can be full of pasta?  
 **Genius_spiker:** this applies to everyone

**The_frenchest_fry:** The hate only applies to me so it’s fine

**Yachi** : No Its not, have some pasta

**The_frenchest_fry:** oh  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** Im touched

**Genius_spiker:** Dont get upsetti have some spaghetti

**Father_crow:** Hinata you failed one of the most important biology assignments of the year.  
 **Father_crow:** if you don’t tell us why then we will simply ask Kageyama

**Genius_spiker:** I know it was a bad descision but  
 **Genius_spiker:** If no one came from the future to stop me doing it then how bad of a decision can it have been?

**Father_crow:** Hinata.

**Genius_spiker:** It was a presentation on the whooping cough... so on the first slide I had a picture of Whoopi Golberg coughing  
 **Genius_spiker:** But then I saw my funny joke and I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t start my presentation

**Genius_setter:** he was the only one laughing

**Genius_spiker:** The teacher stopped me after five minutes and gave me an F

**SOS:** By what miracle did you get to get to highschool level?

**Genius_spiker:** Jesus

**Jesus:** i can’t confirm that 

**Mother_crow:** Hinata.. this is just a gentle reminder than you need to take your studies more seriously

**Genius_spiker:** No

**Mother_crow:** That was a gentle reminder but your defiance brings me ungodly amounts of radge

**SOS:** *Rage

**Mother_crow:** I want nothing more than to uppercut this family directly to the heavens

—————————————————————

[17:00]  
I have questions

**Rolling_thunder:** Suga? More like Ooga Booga

**Mother_Crow:** I legitimately don’t know what to do with this statement

—————————————————————

[18:00]  
I have questions

**Yachi** : Is Kiyoko on this group chat? I haven’t seen her text very much

**Mother_crow:** I have her number I just don’t think that **@Hot_bald_guy** and **@Rolling_thunder** should be allowed to know it

**Hot_bald_guy:** Way to cock block a buddy in need!

**Mother_crow:** In need of a good smack if you don’t stop talking to me like that

**Yachi** : Oh thats.. that’s fine  
 **Yachi:** everyone has such fun nicknames so I might try something

**Yachi** changed to **Kiyoko_fangirl_No.1**

**Kiyoko_fangirl_No.1:** Please no hate  
 **Kiyoko_fangirl_No.1:** she’s just really nice to talk to, and I really respect her!

**Rolling_thunder:** I see you’ve accepted our way of living

**Kiyoko_fangirl_No.1:** h-huh?

**Rolling_thunder:** One of us

**Hot_bald_guy:** one of us

**Rolling_thunder:** One of us

**Kiyoko_fangirl_No.1:** please no

**Hot_bald_guy:** ONE OF US

**Rolling_thunder:** ONE OF US

**Kiyoko_fangirl_no.1:** help me-

**Hot_bald_guy:** ONE OF US

**No_shit:** Im pressing the mute button  
 **Not_shit:** and I’m not looking back

—————————————————————

[19:00]  
I have questions

**SOS:** Im legitimately sick of you guys, I’m quitting volleyball

**Mother_crow:** Tsukishima  
 **Mother_crow:** Take your sass and put it in your pocket

**SOS:** What

**Mother_crow:** Your sas? Put it in your pocket

**SOS:**  
 **SOS:** Every talk i have with you people becomes more and more absurd

**Mother_crow:** You talk as though you’re not part of the family  
 **Mother_crow:** But I’ve got news for you  
 **Mother_crow:** You’re already on the Christmas card

**SOS:** I don’t have to stay  
 **SOS:** I could use the time I waste on studying

**Mother_crow:** Oh, Youll stay  
 **Mother_crow:** You’re just like us  
 **Mother_crow:** Volleyball is all you’ve got

**SOS:** Im not even that good at it

**The_frenchest_fry:** Bullshit

**Mother_crow:** It’s not about being the best  
 **Mother_crow:** we put everything into volleyball because it’s all we’ve got  
 **Mother_crow:** it’s what we are

**SOS:** Suga

**Mother_crow:** Yes

**SOS:** To give credit where it’s due  
 **SOS:** You’re astute

**Mother_crow:** I know

—————————————————————

[20:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Why am I not a banana?

**The_frenchest_fry:** Well its caus your genetic code dictates that you’re human but if it makes you feel any better then you share 50-60% of your DNA with one

**Genius_spiker:** Oh!  
 **Genius_spiker:** Sometimes i forget that you’re actually super smart

**The_frenchest_fry:** ouch

**Hot_bald_guy:** Are you telling us that some people are 10% more banana than others?

**The_frenchest_fry:** Well yes but actually no

**Genius_spiker:** I bet Kageyamas more banana than me

**Genius_setter:** You have no proof of that

**Genius_spiker:** Oh yea?  
 **Genius_spiker:** Lets get a DNA test right here and right now

**Father_crow:** let us NOT

—————————————————————

[21:00]  
i have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Every book you’ve ever read is just a different combination of 26 letters  
 **Genius_spiker:** have fun with your alphabet remixes

**The_frenchest_fry:** I beg to differ

**Genius_spiker:** Then beg

**The_frenchest_fry:**  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** _Screams_

—————————————————————  
  
[22:00]  
I have questions

**The_frenchest_fry:** When I was

**Genius_spiker:** a young boy

**Hot_bald_guy:** My father

**Rolling_thunder:** ATE A FUCKING LEMON. HE DIDNT SQUEEZE IT OUT OR ANYTHING. HE DIDNT CUT IT, HE DIDNT SKIN IT. HE JUST SHOVED IT IN HIS MOUTH AND SWALLOWED

**Genius_spiker:**

**The_frenchest_fry:** To see a marching band  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** that is NOT how the song goes

—————————————————————

[23:00]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow:** What are your favourite words? I’m doing some calligraphy so ideas are a great help  
 **Mother_crow:** My favourite is Hiraeth, a home sickness for a home in which you cannot return

**SOS:** defenestration, the act of throwing someone out of a window

**The_frenchest_fry:** Euphoria (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

**Genius_setter:** Volleyball

**Genius_spiker:** Bumfuzzle because it includes the word bum

**Rolling_thunder:** I like butterfly for a similar reason 

**SOS:**

**Genius_setter:**

**Mother_crow:** That’s it  
 **Mother_crow:** This conversation is officially cancelled

**Father_crow:** ...Suga did you get enough sleep last night?

**Mother_crow:** No

—————————————————————

[00:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** I didn’t say thank you to my mum for closing my bedroom door because I was pretending to be asleep  
 **Genius_spiker:** But guys Im getting over my allergy to not saying thank you!!

**SOS:** Im sorry, what?

**Genius_spiker:** Yea  
 **Genius_spiker:** Coach Ukai said I’m allergic to a lot of things like: not saying thank you, pork buns, friend food, not playing volleyball for a week  
 **Genius_spiker:** It’s all really intense

—————————————————————  
 **  
Tsukishima private messages**

**Yamaguchi:** Dont tell him

**Tsukishima:** What are you still doing up?  
 **Tsukishima:** And I didn’t plan to

**Yamaguchi:** Being texted by you guys!!  
 **Yamaguchi:** You woke me up!!

**Tsukishima:** Oh  
 **Tsukishima:** Go back to sleep them

**Yamaguchi:** Night  
 **Yamaguchi:** (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My chapter for pinkie promises is taking longer than expected so instead I decided to treat you guys/the readers of this fic with a chapter here!
> 
> This Sunday surprise means that I won’t be posting on Wednesday though. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter


	5. Operation: get back Yamaguchi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genius_spiker added Oikawa
> 
> Genius_spiker: ；￣ロ￣）  
> Genius_spiker: G-GUYS I MESSED UP  
> Genius_spiker: I CAN ADD BUT I CANT REMOVE

[07:00]  
I have questions

**Rolling_thunder:** Whats the most embarrassing thing you guys know about each other?  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I want blackmail material, and I want it NOW

**Hot_bald_guy:** I want never gets

**Rolling_thunder:** *Please

**SOS** removed **The_frenchest_fry**

**Genius_spiker:** Well that was subtle

**Hot_bald_guy:**

**SOS:** what he knows is none of your business

———————————————————-  
 **Yamaguchi private messages**

**Yamaguchi:** (T＿T)

**Tsukishima** : Dont look at me like that

**Yamaguchi:** (T＿T)

**Tsukishima** : I know you’re pulling “the face” and it doesn’t work anymore

**Yamaguchi:** (T＿T)

**Tsukishima:** Im going to block you

**Yamaguchi:** (T＿T)

**Tsukishima:** Tadashi.

**Yamaguchi:** (T＿T)

———————————————————-

[07:15]  
I have questions

**SOS** added **Yamaguchi**

  
**Yamaguchi** changed to **The_frenchest_fry**

**The_frenchest_fry:** Tsukki went through a dinosaur phase and I dunno if he’s grown out of it yet  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** But you didn’t heart that from me

**SOS** removed **The_frenchest_fry**

**Rolling_thunder:** You like dinosaurs??  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Who’d have thought

**Hot_bald_guy:** That’s pretty cute

**Rolling_thunder:** Ikr

**SOS:** Its not.  
 **SOS:** he doesn’t have any evidence of that, it’s not true

**Mother_crow:** @SOS  
 **Mother_crow:** lying is a sin

**Genius_spiker:** Why the fuck you lying?  
 **Genius_spiker:** Why the fuck you lyiiinnnng?

**SOS:**

**Rolling_thunder:** MMM OH MY GOD  
 **Rolling_thunder:** STOP FUCKING LYING  
 **Rolling_thunder:** No but on a real note... You sound like a SAUR loser whose been exposed

**Hot_bald_guy:** Nice one  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** I bet his favourite is the Thesaurus

**Rolling_thunder:** Bet

**SOS:** I cant understand why you all act surprised when I say “I hate you”  
 **SOS:** Because my hatred is warranted

**Rolling_thunder:** <3

—————————————————

[8:40]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Now i have to add back Yama and I’m in class  
 **Genius_spiker:** Stop removing people !!!!!

**Genius_spiker** added **Oikawa**

**Genius_spiker:** ；￣ロ￣）  
 **Genius_spiker:** G-GUYS I MESSED UP  
 **Genius_spiker:** I CAN ADD BUT I CANT REMOVE

**Genius_setter:** How do you even have his number?

**Oikawa** has removed admin from all  
 **Oikawa** is now an admin

**Genius_setter:** Fuck.  
 **Genius_setteer:** How do I leave?

**Oikawa:** How cute

———————————————————-

**Tsukishima private chat**

**Yamaguchi:** (T＿T)

**Tsukishima:** I’m trying.

———————————————————

[10:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** great king?

**Oikawa:** Hm~

**Genius_spiker:** Could u give me back admin? I need to add Yamaguchi

**Oikawa:** Shrimpy, i have no idea who you’re talking about  
 **Oikawa:** but I’m sure I’m a good enough replacement~

**SOS:** you’re not

**Oikawa:** Did i ask?

———————————————————

[10:30]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Please bring Yamaguchi back, i miss him

**Oikawa:** Hahaha  
 **Oikawa:** No

**Genius_spiker:** Stop laughing!!

**Oikawa:**  
 **Oikawa:** Hahaha’nt

——————————————————  
  
[11:00]  
I have questions

**Oikawa** changed to **The_King**

**Genius_spiker:** You know..  
 **Genius_spiker:** Im really surprised that you’re still here

**The_king:** You’d be surprised by how lonely I am

**Genius_spiker:** Actually, i probably wouldn’t lol

**The_king** changed **Genius_spiker** to peasant

**The_king:** Say that again, I dare you

**Peasant: @The_king**   
**Peasant:**

——————————————————-

[13:00]  
I have questions

**Father_crow:** Fess up.  
 **Father_crow:** Who added Oikawa

**Mother_crow:** *Who ruined the chat

**No_shit:** Im not defending him, but this chat has never been a “good” place

**The_king:** Im not leaving

**Genius_setter:** Leave.

**Peasant:** And go to Shiratoriwaza, where you belong!!!

**The_king:** insert angry fish meme  
 **The_king:** I may be wearing a knee brace but I’m about to shove my foot so far up your ass that you’ll be able to tie my shoe laces with your teeth

**Kiyoko_fangirl_no.1:** (∩╹□╹∩)  
 **Kiyoko_fangirl_no.1:** Please no

**Jesus:** No violence.

**Rolling_thunder:** Jesus has SPOKEN

**Hot_bald_guy:** What do you think you’re doing threatening my junior like that  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** EH?

**The_king:** My job  
 **The_king:** To put dirt in its place~

**Hot_bald_guy:** oh you’re really asking for it

**The_king:** Try me  
 **The_king:** I have Iwa as my personal body guard

**Rolling_thunder:** Abort mission

——————————————————

**Oikawa private messages**

**Iwaizumi:** i can tell that you’re doing stupid shit

**Oikawa:** How mean  
 **Oikawa:** if I want to laugh then I have every right to do so

**Iwaizumi:**

**Oikawa:**  
 **Oikawa:** Okay so  
 **Oikawa:** I infiltrated the Karasuno group chat ヾ(●ε●)ノ

**Iwaizumi:** Toru you skipped practice for this

**Oikawa:** But Iwa  
 **Oikawa:** Its important

**Iwaizumi:** ITS NOT  
 **Iwaizumi:** Im telling coach  
 **Iwaizumi:** You don’t deserve to be the best player on our team

**Oikawa:** Im not though

**Iwaizumi:** Shut the fuck up  
 **Iwaizumi:** Yes you are  
 **Iwaizumu:** Dont give me that bullshit, it’s too early for this

**Oikawa:** love you too  
 **Oikawa:** ( ˘ ³˘)

**Iwaizumi:** Fuck off

**Oikawa:** But on a serious note, do you want in?

**Iwaizumi:** no, i literally don’t

**Oikawa:** ill take that as a yes  
 **Oikawa:** ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

—————————————————-  
[13:30]  
I have questions

**The_king** added **Iwaizumi**  
 **Iwaizumi** is now admin

**Genius_setter:** Oh god

**Iwaizumi:** ...  
 **Iwaizumi:** Im sorry about him, he’s been a dissapointment since birth

**The_king:**

———————————————————-

**Iwaizumi private messages**

**Tanaka:** Give me admin, I’m tired of your boyfriend

**Iwaizumi** : Im tired of him too  
 **Iwaizumi** :  
 **Iwaizumi** : Hes not my boyfriend

**Tanaka:** Really? Well you seem to know who I’m referencing to

**Iwaizumi:** You had no rights to come into my DMs and call me out  
 **Iwizumi:** but I’ll agree on the conditions that you give me a little more respect

**Tanaka:** Deal

————————————————-

[16:00]  
I have questions

**Hot_bald_guy** is now admin  
 **Hot_bald_guy** added **Yamaguchi**  
 **Peasant** changed to **Genius_spiker**

**Yamaguchi:** Thanks

**Yamaguchi** changed to **the_frenchest_fry**

**Genius_spiker:** Mistakes were made

**Hot_bald_guy** is no longer admin

**The_king:** You can’t have admin back until it’s guaranteed that I stay AS admin

**Genius_setter:** Why though?

**The_king:** This place is fun~  
 **The_king:** The kids at Aoba Johsai are boring  
 **The_king:** asides from mad dog but I don’t play with children that’ve gone feral

**Genius_setter:** This place isn’t fun with you

**The_king:** I could say the same about you

**Genius_setter:** You couldnt.

**Genius_spiker:** Do you ever think of the fact that you exist non consentually?

**Genius_setter:** HINATA  
 **Genius_setter:** Read. The. Mood

**Genius_spiker:** I AM the mood

**SOS:** how did this place get worse?  
 **SOS:** it’s like we hit rock bottom but continued to descend regardless

——————————————————-  
  
[18:00]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow:** Disregarding the mess of earlier  
 **Mother_crow:** Whats been on everyone’s minds?

**Genius_spiker:** As soon as I hit 198 pounds I’m gonna eat 2 pounds of nachos so I can be 1% nacho

**Genius_setter:** You’re officially not allowed to hit 198 pounds

**Mother_crow:** You may aim to be 1% nacho  
 **Mother_crow:** But that dosent stop you from being 100% my son  
 **Mother_crow:** Therefor i forbid it

**Rolling_thunder:** HE REALLY PULLED THE DISSAPINTED MUM CARD

**Mother_crow:** it’s my party trick

**Genius_spiker:** Yea But Suga if I follow my dreams I’ll still be 99% your son

**Mother_crow:** what

**Genius_spiker:** And 1% nacho son

**SOS:** groan  
 **SOS:** I wish I didn’t have to read that out loud

**Mother_crow:** I’m a little emotional over this if I’m being honest  
 **Mother_crow:** Wow

——————————————————

[20:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** I just had three sandwhiches for dinner and I’m can’t breathe ngl

**Mother_crow:** ... why?

**The_king:** What do you want us to do? Give you CPR?  
 **The_king:** Which I wouldn’t do  
 **The_king:** these lips belong to someone else~

**Genius_spiker:** You’d only give me CPR to extract my sandwhiches  
 **Genius_spiker:** ILL NEVER LET YOU

**The_king:** .. Shrimpy  
 **The_king:** If I wanted a sandwhich I would just get Iwaizumu to make me one  
 **The_king:** why the fuck would I want your dirty sandwhiches?

**Genius_spiker:** Who wouldn’t want my dirty sandwhiches?

**The_frenchest_fry:** Me

**Iwaizumi:** Make your own sandwiches you twat

———————————————————

[23:00]  
I have questions

**The_king:** @ **Iwaizumi** can I use your face as a reaction image?

**Iwaizumi** : Absolutely Not  
 **Iwaizumi** : What would you use it for?

**The_king:**

**SOS:** Lol

———————————————————

**Oikawa private messages**

**Iwaizumi** : DELETE THAT YOU ASSHOLE

_Read 23:11_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahah, the other teams have slowly begun to creep in. 
> 
> I finally learnt how to add pictures so expect many more reaction images in the future


	6. Just bros being bros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [9:30]  
> Hinata private chat
> 
> Kageyama: you have about five minutes to explain why you did that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit of a longer chapter today

[06:00]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow:** @ **everyone** to thank you for your hard work we will be having a small sleepover at Enoshitas house later today  
 **Mother_crow:** Please confirm whether or not you can come

**Kiyoko_fangirl_no.1:** My mum says Im not allowed to sleep over if there are only boys.. really sorry!!

**Mother_crow:** Dont worry about it, next time we’ll invite Kiyoko too if that makes you more comfortable

**Genius_setter:** I’m free

**Genius_spiker:** Unlike Kageyama I’m expensive lol

**SOS:** Im... avaible

**The_frenchest_fry:** If Tsukki’s going then of course I’ll come too (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

**The_king:** ...  
 **The_king:** You know, it’s quite rude that you would make plans that don’t involve me whilst I’m still here

**Mother_crow:** I’m not able to remove you  
 **Mother_crow:** Due to a certain annoyance taking away my admin

**The_king:** Those plans wouldn’t not involve me if you simply invited me  
 **The_king:** Im just saying ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌

**Mother_crow:** Over my dead body  
 **Mother_crow:** I won’t allow you near the children

**The_king:** I just wanted friends and you’re making me out to sound really bad  
 **The_king:** This talk.. it wounds me

**Mother_crow:** Cut the dramatics  
 **Mother_crow:** you’re not coming

**Genius_spiker:** !!  
 **Genius_spiker:** But suga.. he might feel lonely

**Mother_crow:** Hinata  
 **Mother_crow:** dont sympathise with the enemy

**The_king:** ●︿●

**Genius_spiker:** b-but mum

**Mother_crow:** @ **Father_crow**  
 **Mother_crow:** Daichi tell them NO

**Father_crow:** _sigh_  
 **Father_crow:** Oikawa is NOT coming over

**The_king:** I’ll help your freak duo with their quick  
 **The_king:** Im out of the picture, am I not?  
 **The_king:** whats there to lose?

**Mother_crow:** My children’s happiness

**Rolling_thunder:** Suga really just pulled the mum card

**Mother_crow:** Lets vote, all In favour of Oikawa coming say Volleyball

**Genius_spiker:** Volleyball

**Kiyoko_fangirl_no.1:** Volleyball

**Genius_setter:** Volleyball

**Rolling_thunder:** Volleyball

**Hot_bald_guy:** Volleyball

**The_frenchest_fry:** Volleyball

**Mother_crow:** I-

**The_king:** ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡  
 **The_king:** seems as though I’m coming

**Father_crow:** .... woo

**Mother_crow:** I trusted the judgement of Karasuno and i was wrong  
 **Mother_crow:** you’re never getting a say in anything ever again  
 **Mother_crow:** But Oikawa, a promise is a promise

**The_king:** And water is wet

**SOS:** Its actually not

**The_king:** Again, four eyes, did I ask?

**No_shit:** One of you will have to share a bed  
 **No_shit:** There’s not enough because I DON’T LIVE IN A MANSION

**The_king:** I’ll take a plus one~

**No_shit:** I DON’T LIVE IN A MANSION

**Rolling_thunder:** It’s close enough bud

—————————————————————

**Iwaizumi private chat**

**Oikawa:** You want to be my plus one

**Iwaizumi:** I think that you mean  
 **Iwaizumi:** * Do you want to be my plus one?  
 **Iwaizumi:** To which my answer is NO

**Oikawa:** Hahah  
 **Oikawa:** it wasn’t a question

—————————————————————

[8:00]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow:** About the beds  
 **Mother_crow:** Yama and Tsukki, would you be comfortable sharing?  
 **Mother_crow:** I don’t mean to put you in the spotlight but you two have known eachother the longest so you’d seem the most comfortable

**SOS:** Why would you make the tallest person share a bed with someone that wasn’t small?

**Genius_spiker:** Stingyshima  
 **Genius_spiker:** Mother has spoken

**SOS:** Don’t call me that..  
 **SOS:** And I get it

**The_frenchest_fry:** we’ve shared plenty times before so it’s nothing new  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** No need to apologise (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

**SOS:** Yamaguchi thats not exactly something that I wanted everyone knowing

**The_frenchest_fry:** Theres nothing wrong with it?

**Genius_spiker:** Yea Tsukki, it’s just bromantic

**SOS:**  
 **SOS:** “bromantic” ?

**Genius_spiker:** Bros being romantic

**SOS:** what

**The_frenchest_fry:** what

**SOS:** Its not romantic at all..  
 **SOS:** he drools in his sleep

**The_frenchest_fry:** ...  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** There was no need to expose me like that but okay

————————————————————-

[9:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Hey Suga, who are the other two sharing a bed?

**Mother_crow:** I was planning on bunking with Daichi  
 **Mother_crow:** We’re the eldest so it’s only fair

**Genius_spiker:** But Suga you helped to set this up  
 **Genius_spiker:** You should get one of the best beds

**Mother_crow:** I’m really fine

**Genius_spiker:** No!!  
 **Genius_spiker:** I’ll share with someone

**Mother_crow:** Are you sure?  
 **Mother_crow:** You really don’t have to

**Genius_spiker:** Yea, you’ve done so much for me anyway

**Mother_crow:** Okay.. but  
 **Mother_crow:** Who would you share with?

**Genius_spiker:** Kageyama

**Mother_crow:** Kageyama?!

**Genius_spiker:** Yes.

**Mother_crow:** ..well okay  
 **Mother_crow:** Thanks Hinata  
 **Mother_crow:** I didn’t want to admit it but Daichi kind of snores

—————————————————————

[9:30]  
 **Hinata private chat**

Kageyama: you have about five minutes to explain why you did that

———————————————————-

[9:36]  
 **Hinata private chat**

**Hinata:** No

**Kageyama:** Hinata I will burst out of English and strangle you if you don’t answer me  
 **Kageyama:** What are you planning?

**Hinata:** At first I felt bad for Suga  
 **Hinata:** But then I thought..  
 **Hinata:** Well if I’m going down then stupid Kageyamas coming down with me

**Kageyama:** But why?!?!

**Hinata:** DUH  
 **Hinata:** You ate my pork bun  
 **Hinata:** After that point peace was never an option

**Kageyama:** You gave it to me, idiot  
 **Kageyama:** what were you expecting?

**Hinata:** FOR YOU TO NOT EAT MY FOOD WHILE I USE THE BATHROOM

**Kageyama:** Well then it seems you thought wrong

**Hinata:** Wow, just wow  
 **Hinata:** I don’t even feel bad about making you share a bed  
 **Hinata:** Im gonna kick you to the floor!!

**Kageyama:** Oh yea?  
 **Kageyama:** Bring it.

—————————————————————

[16:00]  
 **I have questions**

**Mother_crow:** Remember everyone, meet before the gates of Karasuno!!  
 **Mother_crow:** @ **everyone**

**The_king:** Im already here~

**Mother_crow:** ...  
 **Mother_crow:** I’m going to do what’s called “reversing my punctuality” and use the bathroom  
 **Mother_crow:** I’ll return to the gates when someone more pleasant comes by

**The_king:** Rude much

**Father_crow:** Suga you don’t have to do that, I was let out early

**Mother_crow:** thank goodness  
 **Mother_crow:** Wait..  
 **Mother_crow:** Why do I see another Seijoh jacket?

**The_king:** Oops  
 **The_king:** Thats my plus one

**Mother_crow:** Oikawa.  
 **Mother_crow:** If it were not got the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you

———————————————————

[17:00]

  
_Sleepover begins_

———————————————————

[18:00]  
 **Hinata** created “Code: Tsukkiyama”

**Hinata** added: **Kageyama, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Daichi, Asashi, Enoshita, Sugawara, Tsukishima**

**Hinata:** I have brought you all here to discuss something very important  
 **Hinata:** And no it’s not the fact that I’m crying over a Disney movie  
 **Hinata:** Which I don’t appreciate you guys mocking me for

**Kageyama:** Crybaby loser

**Hinata:** Souless asshole.  
 **Hinata:** Its the fact that Yamaguchi had fallen asleep on Tsukkis shoulder  
 **Hinata:** So for blackmail purposes  
 **Hinata:** Who will get the picture?

**Asashi:** Hinata. Problem

**Hinata:** hmm?

**Tsukishima:** ...

**Hinata:** OH  
 **Hinata:** NO NO NO  
 **Hinata:** NOT AGAIN

**Hinata** removed **Tsukishima**

**Hinata:** THIS STUPID PHONE  
 **Hinata:** HE WON’T STOP STARING AT ME

**Kageyama:** Have fun sleeping tonight

**Hinata:** \- said my meat shield

**Kageyama:** What

**Hinata:** What

**Tanaka:** While you guys were sitting around doing nothing I actually got a pic

**Tanaka** sent an image to the chat

**Nishinoya:** Nice one Ryu!!  
 **Nishinoya:** I kinda want one for myself  
 **Nishinoya:** Let me just..

**Kageyama:** ...

**Hinata:** BAHAHAHAHAHA  
 **Hinata:** YOUR FLASH WAS ON

**Tanaka:** Noya you woke Yamaguchi up  
 **Tanaka:** NOYA RUN

**Hinata:** RUN LIKE THE WIND HAHAHAHAHA

**Nishinoya:** Im running all right, I’m dhentb tbr d e end d

**Asashi** : W-what was that loud noise?  
 **Asashi:** Please tell me that wasn’t Noya

**Hinata:** HE TRIPPED  
 **Hinata:** SOMEONE GO GET HIM I SAW TSUKKI GET UP FROM HIS SEAT

**Tanaka:** ON IT  
 **Tanaka:** BUDDY IM COMING

**Nishinoya** sent one image to the chat

**Hinata:** You went out w/ a bang

**Nishinoya:** REMEMBER ME  
 **Nishinoya:** Brb Cmao

**Hinata:** Cmao?

**Nishinoya:** Crying my ass off

**Daichi:** Oh my god.

—————————————————————

**Iwaizumi private messages**

**Oikawa:** What if we kissed while watching Hercules 😳

**Iwaizumi:** Absolutely not  
 **Iwaizumi:** You’re the last person I would kiss. An alien from outer space has better chances with you

**Oikawa:** You’re no fun  
 **Oikawa:** I’ll kiss myself then

**Iwaizumi:** How the fuck

**Oikawa:** I’ll smooch my armpit out of loneliness (︶︹︶)

**Iwaizumi:** Thats disgusting  
 **Iwaizumi:** why are you like this?

**Oikawa:** Calm down, i free breeze them  
 **Oikawa:** Im really doing i-  
 **Oikawa:** Holy shit, Iwa stay put i sense some tea brewing

**Iwaizumi:** Please stop calling other people’s issues “tea”

**Oikawa:** *The beans are being spilled  
 **Oikawa:** The cat is being let out of the bag  
 **Oikawa:** Karasunos libero is being murdered by the four eyes  
 **Oikawa:** how intresting~

**Iwaizumi:** You’re genuinely such a crappy person

**Oikawa:** ...  
 **Oikawa:** I have such cute nicknames for you and this is how I’m treated  
 **Oikawa:** I see how it is

**Iwaizumi:** I gave you the choice between “crappy” and “shitty”  
 **Iwaizumi:** YOU chose this

**Oikawa:** is it because I have brown hair and eyes  
 **Oikawa:** is this what it’s all about?

**Iwaizumi:** Its your personality and you know it

—————————————————————

[19:33]  
I have questions

**Jesus:** I enjoyed the movie

**Rolling_thunder:** Not to expose you bud but the only time you weren’t crying was at Hercules’ birth

**Jesus:**  
 **Jesus:** Im emotional

**Rolling_thunder:** I know

**Jesus:** And Meg sacrificing herself was really sad

**Rolling_thunder:** I know

———————————————————

[22:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker** sent four images to the chat

**Genius_spiker:** We all look like a family having Christmas dinner in this picture  
 **Genius_spiker:** Thanks Enoshita, The food was really good!!

**The_king:** Delete the first picture immediately, I was sneezing

**Genius_spiker:** No, I don’t think I will

**Rolling_thunder:** You weren’t just sneezing you were firing an entire canon from your nose

**Genius_setter:** *An entire missile

**Hot_bald_guy:** LMAO  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** I can still hear his sneeze

**Rolling_thunder:** Lol maybe it’s still ringing in your ears

**The_king:** I sneezed  
 **The_king:** What, am I not allowed to sneeze?

**Mother_crow:** Not at the dinner table, and not when you aim it at our YOUNGEST MEMBER

**The_king:** It was warranted  
 **The_king:** He shouldn’t have challenged the best setter in this prefecture

**Genius_spiker:** Kageyama IS the best setter

**Iwaizumi:** Say that again and I’ll deck you

**Genius_setter:** His germs didn’t reach me so there’s that

**SOS:** Actually, you don’t know that

**Genius_setter:** I don’t need your input

**Father_crow:** GET OFF YOUR PHONES

**Mother_crow:** Its time for desert

**Genius_spiker:** so much food..  
 **Genius_spiker:** Would I be in trouble for going into a food coma?

**Mother_crow:** I would whop your ass the second that life stopped doing its job

—————————————————————

[22:30]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Suga

**Mother_crow:** Yes?

**Genius_spiker:** Can i play one song before bed on your speakers?

**Mother_crow:** Let me just adjust the volume and you can have it  
 **Mother_crow:** Just one

**The_king:** Im no expert in fucking up but I’m pretty sure that’s what you’ve just done

—————————————————————

[22:33]  
I have questions

**Rolling_thunder:** Im in the bathroom  
 **Rolling_thunder:** did I just get fucking rick rolled?

**The_king:** called it

**Genius_spiker:** Hehehe, yes you did

**Mother_crow:** It gets the better of us

**Rolling_thunder:** How DARE he  
 **Rolling_thunder:** The absolute disrespect

**Mother_crow:** There there..

**Rolling_thunder:** I can’t believe you didn’t even swear when the music came on

**Mother_crow:** i only swear when “necessary”

**Hot_bald_guy:** y tho

**Mother_crow:** Tanaka weren’t you in the bathroom?

**Hot_bald_guy:** Yah

**Father_crow:** Oh my god  
 **Father_crow:** Will you two PLEASE stop texting on the toilet?

**Rolling_thunder:** No

**Genius_spiker:** Okay but Enoshita having two toilets is fancy af

**Hot_bald_guy:** hes evading the question

**Mother_crow:** _sigh_  
 **Mother_crow:** Im turning the lights off, you two can get back through the dark

**Rolling_thunder:** The dark can’t scare me, I’m not Asashi

**Jesus:** Ouch

————————————————————-

[23:00]  
 **Tsukishima private chat**

**Yamaguchi:** Why are you still awake?

**Tsukishima:** Yamaguchi our backs are literally touching, why didn’t you just ask me in person?

**Yamaguchi:** I didn’t want to wake the others up  
 **Yamaguchi:** We’re all in the same room

**Tsukishima:** I just can’t sleep, so what?

**Yamaguchi:** Well I don’t think that being on your phones good for you

**Tsukishima:** Im well aware

**Yamaguchi:**  
 **Yanaguchi:** I’ll get off my phone and close my eyes if u do too

**Tsukishima:** Fine.

—————————————————————

[23:10]  
 **Kageyama private chat**

**Hinata:** I can’t believe you stole the blanket  
 **Hinata:** AND WRAPPED IT AROUND YOURSELF  
 **Hinata:** THATS SO SELFISH

**Kageyama:** I can’t hear you over the sounds of my perfect blanket burrito

**Hinata:** ARGHHHHH  
 **Hinata:** IM COMING IN  
 **Hinata:** ILL RIP A HOLE IN YOUR BURRITO BLANKET

**Kageyama:** No  
 **Kageyama:** No YOURE not  
 **Kageyama:** GET OFF ME

**Hinata:** WATCH ME YOU ASSHOLE  
 **Hinata:** IM CLAIMING MY RIGHTS TO THE BLANKET

**Kageyama:** HINATA I SWESR TO GIENR SNDNFN R

—————————————————————

[23:30]  
 **Daichi private chat**

**Sugawara:** The kids are still on their phones  
 **Sugawara:** Get Enoshita to turn off the WiFi router

**Daichi:** On it

—————————————————————

[00:00]  
 **Tsukishima private chat**

**Nishinoya:** sometimes I like to feel tall but I’m just standing on a chair  
 **Nishinoya:** How many chairs would I have to stand on to be taller than you? Two? Three? Sixty?

_Message not delivered_

**Nishinoya:** DID YOU BLOCK ME?  
 **Nishinoya:** THE AUDACITY  
 **Nishinoya:** THIS IS HEIGHTIST  
 **Nishinoya:** LITERAL DISCRIMINATION AGAINST SHORT PEOPLE

_Message not delivered_

**Nishinoya:** Shame on you

_Message not delivered_

———————————————————

[00:05]  
 **Daichi private messages**

**Sugawara:** Look at Nishinoya trying to text someone at this ungodly hour  
 **Sugawara** : How silly of him

_Message not delivered_

**Sugawara:** oh  
 **Sugawara** : Thats a little embarrassing

———————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter I’ll probably get a nickname for Iwa. If there are no further objections I think I’ll settle for “Muscle_Man”, a username chosen by the great king himself.
> 
> I’ll do another one of these chapters where they all get together in a while, I have a holiday chapter planned for the summer with Fukurodani and Nekoma when they’ve all settled. And I hope that after that I can slot in a trip to the mall!!
> 
> Feel free to comment anyone else you’d like to see, I’m trying to cram them into this group chat as naturally as possible but it’s a little hard as some characters have very loose ties to the Karasuno boys as a whole. Like I LOVE Aone with my whole heart but he probably won’t appear besides private messages w/ Hinata.
> 
> I’m not sure how long I want this story to be.. but just for the Banter I think I’ll stop at sixty nine chapters.
> 
> That’s quite a while to go, and i admit I’ll be a little bummed when it’s time to say bye to this fic but.. gotta stop somewhere, right?


	7. Cats, crows and a pair of kings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [18:00]  
> Hinata private messages
> 
> Kenma: Salutations  
> Kenma: I take that back, Kuro said no one greets eachother like that anymore

[07:00]  
I have questions

**Rolling_thunder:** I think a giant blob ate Kageyama and Hinata while we were sleeping

**Hot_bald_guy:** Oh god  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** Noya I’ll run down and get a knife

**The_king:** Ah, it’s nice to know that God hears my prayers every now and then

**Iwaizumi:** i know for a fact that you don’t believe in him

**The_king:** Hush, ive been heard

**Mother_crow:** Please, Im barely conscious  
 **Mother_crow:** What are you talking about?

**Rolling_thunder** : Look for yourselves, on their bed is a really fat blanket blob but no Karasuno players to be seen

**SOS:** Oh.  
 **SOS:** from the shape of the blanket I can only imagine that they’re laying on top of eachother  
 **SOS:** how romantic of them

**Rolling_thunder:** Teasing is fun and all  
 **Rolling_thunder:** But Tsukki you’re throwing stones in a glass house  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Yamaguchi holds your hand when he sleeps

**The_king:** Totally just saw four eyes rip his hands away  
 **The_king:** How cold~

**SOS:** As far as Im concerned, that’s a HIM problem  
 **SOS:** I’d like my revenge. So anyone that would like to return to my “good” books can help by removing their blanket

**Rolling_thunder:** Do it urself

**SOS:** Im not doing the dirty work, who do you take me for?

**Rolling_thunder:**  
 **Rolling_thunder:** It’s because Yams is still asleep, isn’t it?

**SOS:** no

**The_king:** I have an idea

**Hot_bald_guy:** I like my fun, but if it involves waking up Daichi then I’m out  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** I have to take care of myself from time to time, you know?

**Rolling_thunder:** I get you

**The_king:** Lets trap them in~

**SOS:** Dont get me wrong, I don’t like you  
 **SOS:** But I’ll go along with this plan because I’m tired of them

**Mother_crow:** Im too tired to stop this  
 **Mother_crow:** just make sure that they don’t suffocate, I don’t want to have to visit either jail or the hospital  
 **Mother_crow:** Got it?

**Rolling_thunder:** Gotcha

———————————————————

[07:30]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Both me and Kageyama have our phones  
 **Genius_spiker:** We will be FINE in here  
 **Genius_spiker:** All we need is a volleyball and our lives will be PERFECT  
 **Genius_spiker:** And tell Tsukki I wasn’t the one that took the pictures!!

**SOS:** you created the group chat

**Genius_spiker:** ...

**SOS:** Case closed

**The_king:** oh?  
 **The_king:** seems like someone’s afraid to say the magic words~

**Genius_spiker:** IM NOT AFRAID

**The_king:** Actions speak louder than words Shrimpy

———————————————————

[7:31]  
 **Kageyama private messages**

**Hinata:** I don’t want them to hear us since they’re right outside the blanket  
 **Hinata:** it’s really hot in here and I dunno how long I’m gonna last

**Kageyama:** what even ARE the magic words?  
 **Kageyama:** is it THAT bad that I have to be burried alive with you?

**Hinata:** Yea, it’s pretty awful

**Kageyama:** Then what is it?  
 **Kageyama:** it’s just words

**Hinata:** WORDS HAVE A LOT OF POWER

**Kageyama:** surely these worlds can’t HAVE that much power?  
 **Kageyama:** it’s not like they’re asking you to perform a satanic ritual, idiot

**Hinata:** Call me idiot once more and I’ll keep us trapped in here forever  
 **Hinata:** Im the key!!

**Kageyama:** idiot.

**Hinata:** I don’t hate you but I really dislike you because of that

**Kageyama:** Whatever

**Hinata:** Kageyama if we die you can’t ever buy or drink milk again  
 **Hinata:** and I’ll never eat another pork bun  
 **Hinata:** we’ll never spike again  
 **Hinata:** STOP KICKING THEYRE SQUASHING ME

**Kageyama:** I just want out  
 **Kageyama:** stop complaining to me. You’re the KEY, remember  
 **Kageyama:** just say the stupid words

**Hinata:** .. no it’s really stupid  
 **Hinata:** I don’t wanna

**Kageyama:** HOW BAD ARE THEY?!?!  
 **Kageyama:** I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS

**Hinata:** you don’t have to know, we can wait for Daichi

**Kageyama:** look.  
 **Kageyama:** if it’s really bad. If what they want you to say I’d SO bad that you’d rather I sweat to death, then that’s on you  
 **Kageyama:** but if I’m about to die I’d like to know WHY I’m dying  
 **Kageyama:** So. Spit. It. Out

**Hinata:** hnnng

**Kageyama:** it’s not that hard.

**Hinata:** “I love Kageyama Tobio”  
 **Hinata:** Thats it

**Kageyama:** ???  
 **Kageyama:** is it THAT hard to say? My parents and Miwa say it all the time

**Hinata:** Kageyama I know you’re not this stupid

**Kageyama:** Whats so bad about saying it  
 **Kageyama:** you can lie, right?

**Hinata:** Its just weird  
 **Hinata:** like, really weird

**Kageyama:** Yea but it’s a lie

**Hinata:** I guess

**Kageyama:** Im waiting for you to say it

**Hinata:** But..  
 **Hinata:** then we’ll be giving in to their cruel ways  
 **Hinata:** theyll have won!!

**Kageyama:** Hinata  
 **Kageyama:** Its summer.  
 **Kageyama:** Its around thirty degrees  
 **Kageyama:** and we are STUCK under a thick blanket while sweating to death  
 **Kageyama:** we will never be the winners  
 **Kageyama:** just do it

**Hinata:** can you look away or something?

**Kageyama:** why?

**Hinata:** Because it’s weird!!  
 **Hinata:** How many times do I have to say  
that?!?

**Kageyama:** Calm down, Im turning  
 **Kageyama:** There. Now get us out

**Hinata:** Hnnng  
 **Hinata:** ok

———————————————————

[8:00]  
I have questions

**The_king:** Not loud enough

**Genius_spiker:** I’ll never forgive you for this  
 **Genius_spiker:** You too Tsukki, I know you can hear us!

**The_king:** Don’t take it so personally  
 **The_king:** Its all in good fun（＾ｖ＾）

**Genius_spiker:** I yelled until Kageyamas ears went red  
 **Genius_spiker:** what else do you want?!?

**The_king:** next time say love five times and we’ll let you off

**Genius_spiker:** FINE

**The_king:** oh?

**Genius_spiker:** I’LL DO IT

———————————————————

[08:05]  
I have questions

**The_king** sent one audio file

**The_king:** oops, I turned Shrimpy into a broken record player

**The_frenchest_fry:** if I was awake I would have stopped you guys..  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** Thats too mean

**Mother_crow:** Now that I’m awake  
 **Mother_crow:** I’d hope that we can all agree that Oikawa is NEVER attending another one of these meet-ups again

**The_king:** you’re really no fun  
 **The_king:** Iwa is with me.. this is nothing compared to what I’m fully capable of  
 **The_king:** Consider yourself lucky

**Mother_crow:** Consider yourself uninvited.

**Genius_setter:** Where is Hinata? I left for less than a second and he’s already gone

**The_frenchest_fry:** Enoshita made him take a shower after he spilled syrup on himself

**Rolling_thunder:** We don’t appreciate Enoshita as a mum enough  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I mean he tucked me in that one time

**No_shit** changed to **Uncle_Crow**

**Hot_bald_guy:** That’s not very manly Noya

**Rolling_thunder:** there’s nothing NOT manly about being tucked in by your homies

**SOS:** Yamaguchi you’re being too generous with your words

**SOS:** he spilt the entire pancake on himself completely WITH the sauce

**Jesus:** how do you spill a pancake  
 **Jesus:** it’s not- it’s not a liquid??

**Genius_setter:** It’s Hinata.

**Genius_spiker:** Talking about sauce  
 **Genius_spiker:** Enoshita i can’t find your hair sauce

**Uncle_crow:** .. my what?

**Genius_spiker:** Hair sauce  
 **Genius_spiker:** it has a fancier name but I can’t think of it

**Rolling_thunder:** You’re gonna have to be more specific bud  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Because I’ve never heard of hair sauce in my life

**SOS:** ... oh my god  
 **SOS:** Hinata do you mean shampoo?

**Genius_spiker:** Yea, that thing

**Rolling_thunder:** BAHAHAHAH  
 **Rolling** **_thunder:** HAIR SAUCE

**Genius_spiker:** IM TIRED  
 **Genius_spiker:** And I’m,, not technically wrong tho

**Genius_setter:** Anything that comes out of your mouth is wrong

**Genius_spiker:** Kageyama.

**Hot_bald_guy:** Yooooooooo  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** that’s gotta hurt

**Genius_setter:** ...

**Uncle_crow:** @ **Genius_spiker** It’s in the bottom drawer

**Genius_spiker:** Got it, thanks

———————————————————

[08:30]  
 **Tsukishima private chat**

**Yamaguchi:** psssst

**Tsukishima:** If we can make eye contact while you’re texting me then that’s a sign that you should put the phone down  
 **Tsukishima:** Did you just turn your back to me?  
 **Tsukishima:** Tadashi you’re a high school student

**Yamaguchi:** Sorry  
 **Yamaguchi:** I just wanted to know what kind of milk Enoshita served with our pancakes  
 **Yamaguchi:** I forgot the name and I’m a little embarrassed

**Tsukishima:** Soy milk.

**Yamaguchi:** Soy Yamaguchi

**Tsukishima:** no

———————————————————

[09:00]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow:** Funny thing but  
 **Mother_crow:** Hinata your toothbrush is dry which implies that you didn’t brush your teeth last night

**SOS:** If he can’t even get his life together I didn’t expect his teeth to stay that way either

**Rolling_thunder:** You’re really out here exposing him before the clocks are at double digits

**Genius_spiker:** I don’t brush my teeth at night, only morning and afternoon

**Mother_crow:** W H Y ?

**Genius_spiker:** brushing my teeth at night means that I can’t eat anymore food until the morning and I’m not really ready for that kind of responsibility

**SOS:** Thats certainly the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a while  
 **SOS:** well done

———————————————————

[12:30]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow:** Did everyone get home safetly?  
 **Mother_crow:** I’ll be very honest, I don’t trust you guys with independence

**The_king:** I got home safely~

**Mother_crow:** I wasn’t asking you.

**Genius_spiker:** I got home safetly!!

**Mother_crow:** That’s good to hear

**Genius_setter:** Lies  
 **Genius_setter:** this idiot tripped five times on the way home and I caught him once

**Genius_spiker:** I didn’t trip  
 **Genius_spiker:** I was just.. testing to see if gravity worked  
 **Genius_spiker:** For the sake of humanity

**Rolling_thunder:** how selfless

**SOS:** In other words, you fell for our king

**Genius_setter:**

**Genius_spiker:**

**Genius_setter:**

**Genius_spiker:** No

**Genius_setter:** Absolutely not  
 **Genius_setter:** Stop calling me that before I start calling you a peasant

**SOS:** Go on.  
 **SOS:** you already do it internally

——————————————————

[16:00]  
I have questions

**The_king** changed **Iwaizumi** to **Muscle_man**

**Muscle_man:** Before i do whats necessary  
 **Muscle_man:** Oikawa, I’d just like to remind you that you were already on thin fucking ice

**Mother_crow** is now an admin  
 **The_king** is no longer an admin  
 **Genius_spiker** is now an admin

**Mother_crow:** Thank you

**Muscle_man:** The asshole has to learn in one way or another.

**The_king:** ...  
 **The_king:** Is it because I’m a whole five centimetres taller than you? Is that why ur mad?

**Muscle_man:** no.

**Genius_spiker:** Oh how the turns have tabled

**SOS:** Your grasp on the English language is truly phenomenal

**Genius_setter:** 10/10

———————————————————-

[18:00]  
 **Hinata private messages**

**Kenma:** Salutations  
 **Kenma:** I take that back, Kuro said that no one greets eachother like that anymore  
 **Kenma:** um  
 **Kenma:** Hello Hinata, I would like to request level one of friendship. Or maybe this can be the tutorial, that’s fine too  
 **Kenma:** What Im saying is that,  
 **Kenma:** I would like to do the talk  
 **Kenma:** This is his friend speaking, he’s making a right mess of this conversation

**Hinata:** Im in the bathroom, gimme a sec

**Kenma** : I rlly didn’t need to know

**Hinata:** I know who kenma is but I have no idea who you are lol  
 **Hinata:** I just know that you’re not Kenma

**Kenma:** Correct. I’m Nekoma’s captain  
 **Kenma:** They call me Kuroo, the prince of cats

**Hinata:** The prince of cats?  
 **Hinata:** Agh, I want a cool nickname like that some day  
 **Hinata:** Anyway, whats this about friends? Hinata: I like to think of myself as a friend making EXPERT

**Kenma:** That’s great because kenma currently doesn’t have enough friends to count on his hand  
 **Kenma:** he says that’s a lie but I know he counts me twice

**Hinata:** Haha.. He reminds me of a certain setter  
 **Hinata:** If Kenma wants to make more friends I have the perfect chat for him, you wanna come with?

**Kenma:** Depends, unlike Kenma I’m a busy man

**Hinata:** Its a volleyball chat, whats there not to want to be a part of ?!??

**Kenma:** A lot. But it’s not about me, I’ll join to help Kenma settle in

**Kenma** shared **Kuroo’s** contact

**Kenma:** Thanks btw

**Hinata:** No probs  
 **Hinata:** the more the merrier

———————————————————

[19:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_setter** added **Kenma**  
 **Kenma** changed to **Applepi**

**Mother_crow:** Kozume.. the setter?

**Hot_bald_guy:** you make him sound like a character in a kids show

**Genius_spiker:** We are a kids show

**Rolling_thunder:** Are we?

**Genius_setter:** Fourth wall.

**Genius_spiker:** Sorry

**Mother_crow:** No need to be rude  
 **Mother_crow:** I’m just confirming the facts

**Applepi:** yea, that’s me  
 **Applepi:** hi

**Genius_setter** added **kuroo**

**Kuroo:** Fuck. So you’re really going to have a volleyball chat WITHOUT bokuto??

**Applepi:** not good first words Kuro..

**Mother_crow:** What happened?  
 **Mother_crow:** This chat was originally for Karasuno members only

**The_king:** Dont look at me, my only crime was existing

**Muscle_man:** If it’s a crime worthy of jail time then I’ll stare as much as I want

**The_king:** Im touched, really  
 **The_king:** I knew I had a beautiful face, but if you wanted to stare you coulda just asked~

**SOS:** It seems that we’ve found a narcissist in its natural habitat

**Kuroo** changed to **Prince_Of_Cats**

**Prince_of_cats:** Nice one.  
 **Prince_of_cats:** so what do you talk about here.. hmm? Strategies for your next game?

**Father_crow:** Fat chance. Youl’ll never get our secrets from this chat

**Prince_of_cats:** Oh?

**Father_crow:** Oh.

**SOS:** Nothing productive goes on in here if that’s what you’re wondering

**Prince_of_cats:** Hmmm  
 **Prince_of_cats:** Sounds like the Nekoma Gc lol

**SOS:** Does it have Hinata?

**Prince_of_cats:** No. but we have Lev  
 **Prince_of_cats:** Hold on..  
 **Prince_of_cats:** Is that Tsukki?

**SOS:** for the last time, don’t call me that

**Prince_of_cats:** Look

**Prince_of_cats:** Im sorry to steal your boyfriends pet name or whatever but,,  
 **Prince_of_cats:** Do I look like someone that can be bothered to type out your full name?

**SOS:** Youre an athlete yet you’re laziness astounds me

**Prince_of_cats:** I’ll call you Suki

**Genius_spiker:** HAHAHAHA  
 **Genius_spiker:** SUKI??

**SOS:** Try, but it’s not a name unless someone responds to it.

**The_king:** I was waiting for an introduction but I guess I’ll have to do it the hard way  
 **The_king:** @ **Prince_of_cats** who the fuck are you?

**Prince_of_cats:** Who the fuck are you?

**The_king:** I asked you first

**Prince_of_cats:** I asked you second

**The_king:** WELL THEN  
 **The_king:** Im the best setter that you’ll ever meet

**Prince_of_cats:** Dam, Kenma when did you get so bold?

**Applepi:** ... Stop it

**The_king:** @ **Muscle_man** why can’t we be like that though

**Muscle_man:** Because I hate you

**Prince_of_cats:** Yikes  
 **Prince_of_cats:** Anyway, to answer your question I’m the Captain of Nekoma. You might’ve seen me on television, who knows, we’ve only been to.. well.. nationals a couple times

**The_king:** Nationals..  
 **The_king:** Must be nice

**Prince_of_cats:** Oh?  
 **Prince_of_cats:** And why’ve you gone quiet?

**Muscle_man:** That’s none of your business  
 **Muscle_man:** he’s just weird

———————————————————

[19:20]  
 **Oikawa private messages**

**Iwaizumi:** Keep playing in collage, you’ll get to nationals if you just continue to practice

**Oikawa:** Awh, so you don’t hate me  
 **Oikawa:** ( ˘ ³˘)

**Iwaizumi:** If I hated you i’d have given you a body bag instead of an alien themed one for your birthday  
 **Iwaizumi:** But make that a promise to me

**Oikawa:** I promise  
 **Oikawa:** And have I ever broken one of those?

**Iwaizumi:** Surpringly not

  
**Oikawa:** ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

———————————————————

[20:00]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker:** Now that we’re adding a couple new people in i was just thinking  
 **Genius_spiker:** @ **Muscle_man** ive never had a proper conversation with you  
 **Genius_spiker:** You seem scary but also pretty cool

**Muscle_man:** I’m not scary, Oikawa just pisses me off

**Muscle_man:** He’s the only one that I hit, so don’t worry about things like that

**Genius_spiker:** How come?

**Muscle_man:** He’s an idiot, what else is there to say?

**Genius_spiker:** Hmm  
 **Genius_spiker:** But Im also a pretty big idiot  
 **Genius_spiker:** And so is Kageyama

**Genius_setter:** Gee, thanks

**Muscle_man:** The difference lies in the fact that I’ve been forced to know Oikawa my whole life  
 **Muscle_man:** Whenever I’m “nice” he calls me his mother so I don’t see a point

**Genius_spiker:** Dont you like being a team mum?  
 **Genius_spiker:** Suga loves his role

**Mother_crow:** *Really likes  
 **Mother_crow:** Love is a strong word

**Genius_spiker:** My bad

**Muscle_man:** You calling Suga mum is different from Oikawa calling me that  
 **Muscle_man:** If I’m being honest it makes me cringe

**Genius_spiker:** Why?

**Muscle_man:** It’s complicated

**Prince_of_cats:** It’s because he doesn’t have a mummy kink

**Father_crow:** ...  
 **Father_crow:** Kuroo you’re really making a GREAT first impression on the kids

**Prince_of_cats:** I do try

———————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im starting to get a little bit of plot to drive their conversations on. You can be sure to see yaku, Lev and Taketora next chapter!!
> 
> Would you guys also like to see Kai? He doesn’t have all that much screen time but he’s also a sweetheart
> 
> Well anyway, hope that you enjoyed the chapter.. have a nice weekend!!


	8. Return of the owls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [16:00]  
> Hinata and friends + Tsukki
> 
> Way_of_the_ace: Contact lenses are just bras for ur eyeball tities
> 
> Prince_of_cats: Deep.

[06:15]  
 **Daichi private messages**

**Bokuto:** The seaweed is always greener in somebody elses lake  
 **Bokuto:** You dream about doing up there, but that is a big mistake

**Daichi:** ... hello?

**Bokuto:** Just look at the world around you  
 **Bokuto:** right here the ocean floor  
 **Bokuto:** such wonderful things surround you  
 **Bokuto:** what more are you asking for?

**Daichi:** Im asking you to stop spamming me before I block you  
 **Daichi:** I’ll ask once.

**Bokuto:** UNDER DAICHI  
 **Bokuto:** UNDER DAICHI  
 **Bokuto:** Darling it’s better  
 **Bokuto:** down where it’s wetter  
 **Bokuto:** UNDER DAICHI

**Daichi:** ..  
 **Daichi:** Im serious, what do you want from me?

* * *

[06:30]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow:** I accidentally bought a couple dozen apples, anyone want any?

**Rolling_thunder:** The maths questions warned us of people like you

**Father_crow** sent one image

**Father_crow:** Fess up, who gave my number to the captain of Fukurodani

**Rolling_thunder:** BAHAHAHAHAHA  
 **Rolling_thunder:** THATS GOLDEN

**The_king:** First of all how dare you text at an hour as ungodly as this

**Father_crow:** And secondly?

**The_king:** I haven’t even saved your number  
 **The_king:** Losers aren’t allowed in my contacts

**Mother_crow:** Yet your phone saves your contact info itself by default

**The_king:**

**Rolling_thunder:** Hello, 911  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I just watched a man get murdered

**SOS:** Call the American police while you’re in Japan, why don’t you?

**Rolling_thunder:** 110, are you still there?  
 **Rolling_thunder:** I’d like to report another murder  
 **Rolling_thunder:** Tsukishima Kei killed my god dammed joke

**Father_crow:** Back to the topic at hand..  
 **Father_crow:** who did it.

**The_king:** oh yea, let me just fess everything up despite the fact that I have neither of your contacts saved

**Father_crow:** I wasn’t asking you

**Prince_of_cats:** _Coughs in Japanese_

**Father_crow:** I should’ve guessed.

**Prince_of_cats:** What, are you butthurt?

**Father_crow:** Can we please stop using the word butthurt  
 **Father_crow:** We’re not in middle school anymore.

**Prince_of_cats:** Someones having a tushytantrum

**The_king:** Hes a little bootybothered if you ask me

**SOS:** after reading this chat I did some scientific research

**Rolling_thunder:** And?

**SOS:** i concluded that you’re all idiots

* * *

[06:40]  
I didn’t ask to be a mum

**Sugawara:** @ **Yaku**  
 **Sugawara:** Hello, another question in regards to us both being the team “Mum”  
 **Sugawara:** Do you regard Kuroo as one of your children?

**Yaku:** Ah, morning  
 **Yaku:** Kuroo is more like the dad, sort of like Daichi is for your team  
 **Yaku:** Whyd you ask?

**Sugawara** sent four screenshots

**Yaku:** Add me?

**Sugawara:** On it  
 **Sugawara:** Akaashi your captain has also been causing trouble

**Akaashi:** oh?

**Sugawara** sent one image

**Yaku:** Under Daichi  
 **Yaku:** Im not allowed to say that it’s brilliant, am I?

**Sugawara:** No I wholeheartedly agree

**Akaashi:** I will have a word

* * *

[07:00]  
 **Bokuto private messages**

**Akaashi:** Bokuto id prefer if our relationships with the other teams were “civil”

**Bokuto:** Our relationships are fine  
 **Bokuto:** Especially Karasuno  
 **Bokuto:** We raised two of their best players, if anything they should respect us lol

**Akaashi:** We didn’t

**Bokuto:** We did!  
 **Bokuto:** I helped Hinata grow from a baby chick into the crow he is today  
 **Bokuto:** Same with our Tsukki

**Akaashi:** He’s not ours, Bokuto

**Bokuto:** Not yet

* * *

[08:00]  
I have questions

**Mother_crow** added Yaku  
 **Mother_crow** added **Akaashi**  
 **Akaashi** is now an admin  
 **Akaashi** added **Bokuto**

**Akaashi** : Apologise.

**Bokuto** changed to **Way_of_the_Ace**

**Way_of_the_ace:** Ku-bro?

**Prince_of_cats:** Boku-bro?

**Way_of_the_ace:** Ohohohoh

**Prince_of_cats:** Ohohohohohoh

**SOS:** Not them..  
 **SOS:** due to personal reasons I’ll be passing away

**The_frenchest_fry:** You can’t say “I can’t”  
 **The_frenchest_fry:** without saying “I can”

**Rolling_thunder:** *Insert motivational music*

**SOS** has left the chat  
 **Genius_spiker** added **Tsukishima**

**Genius_spiker:** New rule  
 **Genius_spiker:** No one is allowed to leave

**Tsukishima** left the chat

**Genius_spiker:** ONE RULE  
 **Genius_spiker:** WE HAD ONE RULE

* * *

[08:05]  
I have questions

**Genius_spiker** changed the chat to “Hinata and friends”

* * *

[08:10]  
Hinata and friends

**Genius_spiker** added **Tsukishima**  
 **Tsukishima** changed to **SOS**

**SOS:** Im not your friend

**Genius_spiker:** You know what Tsukki  
 **Genius_spiker:** You think ur so cool with this no friend business  
 **Genius_spiker:** But you’re only room temperature!!

**The_frenchest_fry:** HEY!

**SOS:** ok

**Hinata** changed the chat to “Hinata and friends + Tsukki”

* * *

[08:20]  
Hinata and friends + Tsukki

**SOS:** Are we seriously allowing them to stay in this chat

**Genius_spiker:** Yea  
 **Genius_spiker:** Everyone’s invited  
 **Genius_spiker:** This is a safe space!

**SOS:** “safe”

**Genius_spiker:**  
 **Genius_spiker:** Im not changing the chat name until ur nicer to me

**SOS:** I don’t have any intentions of being “nicer” to you nor being your best in friend

**Hot_bald_guy:** Alexa play despacito

**SOS:** Could I request damage control if the two captains are here?

**Prince_of_cats:** Watcha trying to say about us, glasses?

**Way_of_the_ace:** Yea! We mean no harm  
 **Way_of_the_ace:** Im staying here to bond with my students

**Akaashi:** Im here in the case that Bokuto is too lively  
 **Akaashi:** And Yaku is here in the case that Kuroo causes trouble

**Way_of_the_ace:** Akaashi ur username is so boring

**Akaashi** changed to **NinetyNine_problems**

**NinetyNine_problems:** Ninety nine problems..  
 **NinetyNine_problems:** You’re all of them

**Applepi:** But who controls Yaku when he gets angry? Kai isn’t here..

**Way_of_the_ace:** Kai?

**Prince_of_cats:** You stole a bunch of meat from the grill right under his nose lol  
 **Prince_of_cats:** He’s like Daichi but better

**Mother_crow:** there’s no need to compare the two.

**Way_of_the_ace:** Oh sorry I was  
 **Way_of_the_ace:** Too busy being choked by you to notice him

**Hot_bald_guy:** Kinky

**SOS:** How do you delete someone else’s messages

**Applepi** is now admin  
 **Applepi** added **Kai**

**Kai** : Oh my, all these new numbers to add  
 **Kai:** Hello (•‿•)

**Yaku:** You’re using emotes now, Kai?

**Kai:** Oh.. well Lev added some to my phone  
 **Kai:** Theyre more expressive than plain text

**Yaku:** Oh, Lev  
 **Yaku:** The kids gonna throw a tantrum when he realises that we’re in a group chat without him

**Genius_spiker** added **Lev**

**Genius_spiker:** Say no more

**Yaku:** NO

**Lev:** Need a stool? I couldn’t hear you from up here lol

**Yaku:**  
 **Yaku:** I hate your giraffe looking, wheel jumbo size, t-red looking, palm tree looking ass

**Kai:** Hey.. calm it, he’s only a first year

**Yaku:** CALL ME SHORT ONCE MORE AND ILL USE YOUR KNEECAPS AS FRISBEES

**Lev:** Yes m’am

**Yaku:** _inhales_  
 **Yaku:** M’AM ??

* * *

[13:00]  
Hinata and friends + Tsukki

**Prince_of_cats:** Does anyone want to hear my pick up line?

**Way_of_the_ace:** Hell yea

**Prince_of_cats:** Are you a fisherman, because I think you’re a reel catch

**Genius_spiker:** You spelt real wrong lol

**Prince_of_cats:** throw this one back into the water boy

* * *

[13:45]  
Hinata and friends + Tsukki

**Genius_spiker:** Kageyama ive been thinking about this all day

**Genius_setter:** What?

**Genius_spiker:** Can you set a table?

**Genius_setter:** Yes Hinata, I can do basic household chores than you for asking

**Genius_spiker:** I knew you’d say that  
 **Genius_spiker:** Like you throw a table in the air and I spike it kinda thing

**The_frenchest_fry:** Please don’t

**Genius_setter:** I’ll try it

* * *

[14:00]  
Hinata and friends + Tsukki

**Lev** changes to

**Russian_Lion:** Kenma would you

**Applepi:** No

**Russian_lion:** I’ll buy you a new video game if we get detention

**Applepi:**  
 **Applepi:** A small chair

**Russian_lion:** Deal

**Yaku: @Mother_crow**  
 **Yaku:** It was a mistake, they should’ve never been in the same chatroom

* * *

[16:00]  
Hinata and friends + Tsukki

**Way_of_the_ace:** Contact lenses are just bras for ur eyeball tities

**Prince_of_cats:** Deep.

**SOS:** I can’t do this anymore  
 **SOS:** this is the text that’s going to make me break my phone  
 **SOS:** I am SO tired of you all

**Way_of_the_ace:** Tsukki dude..

**SOS:** What

**Way_of_the_ace:** Eat a snickers bar  
 **Way_of_the_ace:** You’re not yourself when you’re hungry

**SOS:** Im done

**Genius_spiker:** He’s just angry that he can’t wear contact lenses within calling them eyeball bras now

**The_frenchest_fry:** hey.. leave him alone

* * *

[17:00]  
Hinata and friends + Tsukki

**The_king:** I have so many unread messages  
 **The_king:** I hope you all choke on air and die

**Genius_setter:** It would be a pleasure

**Mother_crow:** Kageyama no-

* * *

[18:00]  
Hinata and friends + Tsukki

**Genius_spiker:** I threw my USB stick down a sewer.. when will it come back up?

**Muscle_man:** 1\. Why would you do that  
 **Muscle_man:** 2\. It’s not coming back

**Genius_spiker:** For my presentation it wasn’t working so the teacher said to give it to the IT man

**Muscle_man:** So you threw it down a sewer

**Genius_spiker:** The man from IT lives in the sewers so yea.. I thought that’s where I went to find him

**SOS:**  
 **SOS:** please tell me you didn’t expect pennywise the fictional clown to help you with your USB stick

**Father_crow:** I-

**Hot_bald_guy:** BAHAHAHAHAHA  
 **Hot_bald_guy:** HINATA YOU GENIUS

**Genius_spiker:** It made more sense in my head..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually planning a road trip but.. I think I’ll save that for later actually, here’s the plan for my fic in the future
> 
> It’ll be mostly chat chapter, as this is a chatfic, but each ship will now how their own arc and two non chat chapters(one for the catalyst and one for the confession). I didn’t really expect plot amongst all this chaos.. but if I’m planning sixty nine chapters then I might as well spice it up. And if you guys like.. I can also add some half chat, half non chat chapters into the arcs too!
> 
> So!! The most important part of this note... which ship would you guys like to see first?
> 
> As to not dissapoint, I’ll list the pairings(and update them on this fic when I can): Kagehina, Iwaoi, Tsukkiyama, Kuroken, Daisuga, Bokuaka, Asanoya, Kiyoyachi 
> 
> If I have the space I’ll consider adding other pairings in.. but for now those are the characters I’m most comfortable writing. You’ll have until.. next Saturday to decide, though if no one votes I do have an idea as to what I’ll do, so don’t feel too pressured to

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I’m still writing my main fic pinkie promises but I figured that a a simple chatfic couldn’t hurt to update every now and then... right?
> 
> This will be a chatfic about random life queries, so if you have any that you’d like to see the boys discuss feel free to comment! I know for a fact that I’ll get the dog wearing trousers debate into this fic at some point


End file.
